‘’Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also [do] ye’’ (Colossians 3:13)
In marriages, Conflict, Argument, or vehement discussions are inevitable. Every couple will have disagreements. Unfortunately, when a man faces a confrontation with his wife, does he resign to give in, flee, or fight over the differences, which will never yield any peaceable result that comes with effective conflict resolution, instead you could yourself sleep on the couch.
Likewise, when a woman disagrees with her husband about certain things, how best does she respond to the situation, does she vow to manipulate or hide facts to get the upper hands? Alternatively, she thinks to know better and challenge her husband. It should not come as surprise that none of these options taken by men and women can promote long lasting satisfaction or peace in a relationship. Let us look then, at God’s design for effective communication and conflict resolution in marriage.
It is not demanding to see how in a flawless world in which these divine charges of husband and wife relationship were never broken, Marriages would be peaceful, satisfying, and heartening. However, we do not live in a perfect world. We live in a fallen world, and our natural tendencies are to focus on ourselves and attempt to impose our will on others.
In order to maintain our commitment to love, treasure, and honor our spouses, we need to yield our rights and ourselves first to God and then to one another. Over the years, many couples have used most of these strategies to help prevent communication impasses, blowouts, and breakdowns.
(2)Get on the same side of the fence. Rather than attempting to resolve an issue “my way” or “your way,” work toward a solution that represents “our way.”
Differences are bound to occur, but the ability to resolve them mutually shows the level of the spouses’ maturity and understanding of God’s mandate for them. Resolving marital issues with your own head- knowledge will in one second crash the relationship you have built for years.
Never say anything derogatory about your spouse’s personality. Proverbs 11:12 tell us that he who despises (belittles) his neighbor lacks sense (NASB).
(3) Try to identify the core issue. Arguments often arise because of events or issues that disguise the real problem. Consider what attitudes or beliefs are motivating your behavior for indications as to what the core issue in any conflict is. Limit the discussion to the one issue that is the center of the conflict. If you fail to identify the root cause of conflicts and prayerfully address it, you will always end up in arguments and fruitless debates, which are not healthy for your marriage.
(4) Do not be a mind reader. Discuss your beliefs and expectations openly. Do not try to interpret your spouse’s thoughts or motives from his or her behaviour; instead, ask direct questions. Likewise, do not expect your spouse to know what you are thinking. Do not try to read your spouse’s mind. If you are not sure what he or she meant by something he or she said, ask him or her to clarify it. Marriage is about trusting each other, In a marriage where trust is no more or not existing, spouses will continue to suspect each other. Distrust in marriage is one of the catalysts of broken marriages.
(5) Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Settling disputes takes hard work and can take time. If you have not reached an agreement by bedtime, put the matter aside with the understanding that you will resume discussion the next day. Nursing anger overnight gives the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26-27). Do not leave yourself or your marriage vulnerable. Anger is a small madness, if it is not controlled can destroy every good thing that one has used years to gather just in a twinkling of an eye.
(6) Avoid character assassination. As you work to resolve conflict, it is okay to talk about circumstances and behaviour. However, attacking your spouse’s personality or character is never acceptable. Character assassination is a deliberate and sustained process that aims to destroy the credibility and reputation of a person. Every man and woman is born and nurtured from different family background having dissimilar mindset. Marriage is a divine institution, which God establishes to blend and mold each other, character thereby making us to reason as one body.
(7)Never forget that your relationship with your spouse is far more significant than “winning” an argument or “being right.” Remember that the resolution of the conflict is what important, not who wins or loses is. If the conflict is resolved, you both win. You are on the same team, not opposing, competing teams.
(8)Remember that love keeps no record of wrongs. Be quick to forgive, quickly to admit your own mistakes, and quick to move on from the conflict. This makes me remember the story of a couple, one day they both agreed that two boxes should be made, one is kept for the husband while the other is for the wife.
In marriages, Conflict, Argument, or vehement discussions are inevitable. Every couple will have disagreements. Unfortunately, when a man faces a confrontation with his wife, does he resign to give in, flee, or fight over the differences, which will never yield any peaceable result that comes with effective conflict resolution, instead you could yourself sleep on the couch.
Likewise, when a woman disagrees with her husband about certain things, how best does she respond to the situation, does she vow to manipulate or hide facts to get the upper hands? Alternatively, she thinks to know better and challenge her husband. It should not come as surprise that none of these options taken by men and women can promote long lasting satisfaction or peace in a relationship. Let us look then, at God’s design for effective communication and conflict resolution in marriage.
It is not demanding to see how in a flawless world in which these divine charges of husband and wife relationship were never broken, Marriages would be peaceful, satisfying, and heartening. However, we do not live in a perfect world. We live in a fallen world, and our natural tendencies are to focus on ourselves and attempt to impose our will on others.
Any of your self-seeking attempts to get your spouse to do something “your” way often causes communication breakdowns. Those breakdowns often leave ugly scars. Injured relationships, broken families, disheartening atmosphere, confusion and disloyalty are just a few of the consequences that can mar a marriage. Biblical Strategies.
In order to maintain our commitment to love, treasure, and honor our spouses, we need to yield our rights and ourselves first to God and then to one another. Over the years, many couples have used most of these strategies to help prevent communication impasses, blowouts, and breakdowns.
If you and your spouse have a difference of opinion, try resolving conflict with one or more of these biblical guidelines and strategies:
(1)Stick to the problem at hand. Husband and Wife should focus on the current conflict and should try to identify the causes and effects of the problems. They must not accuse each other of “always” or “never” behaving a certain way. It is not wise to put your spouse on the self-justifying. It is a common saying that ‘’
A problem known is a problem solved. Every problem encountered is there to be solved. A lot of couples ended up in divorce due to their inability of resolving issues at hand. Marriage is all about forgiving one another which is the milestone of true love (Matt. 6:14,15).
True Love covers each other weaknesses and inadequacies. The Bible clearly states that what God has joined, let no man nor woman neither situations (barrenness, poverty, in-laws etc) put it asunder. Consider the marriage a life-long commitment, just as Christ is eternally committed to His bride, the Church. Ask your mate if he would like some time to think about the conflict before discussing it (but never put it off past bedtime – see Eph. 4:26).
True Love covers each other weaknesses and inadequacies. The Bible clearly states that what God has joined, let no man nor woman neither situations (barrenness, poverty, in-laws etc) put it asunder. Consider the marriage a life-long commitment, just as Christ is eternally committed to His bride, the Church. Ask your mate if he would like some time to think about the conflict before discussing it (but never put it off past bedtime – see Eph. 4:26).
(2)Get on the same side of the fence. Rather than attempting to resolve an issue “my way” or “your way,” work toward a solution that represents “our way.”
Differences are bound to occur, but the ability to resolve them mutually shows the level of the spouses’ maturity and understanding of God’s mandate for them. Resolving marital issues with your own head- knowledge will in one second crash the relationship you have built for years.
Never say anything derogatory about your spouse’s personality. Proverbs 11:12 tell us that he who despises (belittles) his neighbor lacks sense (NASB).
(3) Try to identify the core issue. Arguments often arise because of events or issues that disguise the real problem. Consider what attitudes or beliefs are motivating your behavior for indications as to what the core issue in any conflict is. Limit the discussion to the one issue that is the center of the conflict. If you fail to identify the root cause of conflicts and prayerfully address it, you will always end up in arguments and fruitless debates, which are not healthy for your marriage.
(4) Do not be a mind reader. Discuss your beliefs and expectations openly. Do not try to interpret your spouse’s thoughts or motives from his or her behaviour; instead, ask direct questions. Likewise, do not expect your spouse to know what you are thinking. Do not try to read your spouse’s mind. If you are not sure what he or she meant by something he or she said, ask him or her to clarify it. Marriage is about trusting each other, In a marriage where trust is no more or not existing, spouses will continue to suspect each other. Distrust in marriage is one of the catalysts of broken marriages.
(5) Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Settling disputes takes hard work and can take time. If you have not reached an agreement by bedtime, put the matter aside with the understanding that you will resume discussion the next day. Nursing anger overnight gives the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26-27). Do not leave yourself or your marriage vulnerable. Anger is a small madness, if it is not controlled can destroy every good thing that one has used years to gather just in a twinkling of an eye.
(6) Avoid character assassination. As you work to resolve conflict, it is okay to talk about circumstances and behaviour. However, attacking your spouse’s personality or character is never acceptable. Character assassination is a deliberate and sustained process that aims to destroy the credibility and reputation of a person. Every man and woman is born and nurtured from different family background having dissimilar mindset. Marriage is a divine institution, which God establishes to blend and mold each other, character thereby making us to reason as one body.
(7)Never forget that your relationship with your spouse is far more significant than “winning” an argument or “being right.” Remember that the resolution of the conflict is what important, not who wins or loses is. If the conflict is resolved, you both win. You are on the same team, not opposing, competing teams.
(8)Remember that love keeps no record of wrongs. Be quick to forgive, quickly to admit your own mistakes, and quick to move on from the conflict. This makes me remember the story of a couple, one day they both agreed that two boxes should be made, one is kept for the husband while the other is for the wife.
They now said that each person would observe each other character for a month, whatever wrongs committed by the husband on daily basis would be posted to the husband box and that of the wife’s will be posted to the woman’s box daily. After a month which both had agreed, the husband opened his box and saw several offences that his woman had claimed to be have done against her.
Nevertheless, when the woman opened her own box, she saw nothing alleged against her by her husband. Does it mean that the woman did not wrong her husband? She did. But the man through true love he had toward his wife, overlooked every weakness and wrongs of her wife. Genuine love is sacrificial and not self-justifying.
In Conclusion, You are the determinant of how long your marriage should last. Any conflict left unresolved in marriage will end up in crisis. Understand each other language and let your marital boat sail through and sincerely commit your lives and your marriage to Jesus Christ. I earnestly pray that whatever conflicts rocking your marriage shall surely receive permanent solution in Jesus name.
Nevertheless, when the woman opened her own box, she saw nothing alleged against her by her husband. Does it mean that the woman did not wrong her husband? She did. But the man through true love he had toward his wife, overlooked every weakness and wrongs of her wife. Genuine love is sacrificial and not self-justifying.
In Conclusion, You are the determinant of how long your marriage should last. Any conflict left unresolved in marriage will end up in crisis. Understand each other language and let your marital boat sail through and sincerely commit your lives and your marriage to Jesus Christ. I earnestly pray that whatever conflicts rocking your marriage shall surely receive permanent solution in Jesus name.
No comments:
Post a Comment