I sleep with men for self-harm, says woman who was raped at 16 - Shepherd Digest Magazine

A mother of three has revealed how a horrifying rape at just 16 plunged her into a cycle of self-loathing, where she would wear her shame ‘like a badge’ and embark upon ‘worthless’ one-night-stands.

Now a wellness coach, Megan Gibson, 25, was born in the US but now lives in Okinawa, Japan, with her husband Travis and three young children.

Megan says the initial attack left her contemplating suicide, plagued by nightmares and riddled with social anxiety — but she now hopes she can help inspire other rape survivors suffering from Post Traumatic Syndrome Disorder.

At a party, a teenage Megan was raped after being trapped in a room with an older man and her world fell apart.

Instead of speaking out, Megan ‘punished’ herself and wore her shame ‘like a badge’, believing that she deserved what happened to her.

Eventually, Megan married her husband, Travis and they started a family.

Before moving to Japan in September 2014, she held a house party and was assaulted for a second time by someone she considered a friend.

Unfortunately, her case never made it past the investigation stage.

Now, thanks to her family, Megan was able to see the light in the dark and has started opening up about her ordeal to help others, assisting two women to take their stories to the police.

“One dark night, I found myself newly 16 and trapped in a room and forcibly raped by a man nearly 10 years older than me and about seven stone heavier than me. He broke my spirit, my will, and my fight.”

She continues: “My universe collapsed. It was like I was being buried alive. And I thought about giving up, but instead, I turned on sleep-mode and it all went away.

“Numbness has no filter. When it overpowers your pain, it overpowers your happiness too.

“I picked myself up and I lived. However, this life was different than the one I knew before.

“I lived like I deserved to be raped because it made what I went through that much easier.

“I was bullied, harassed, and used by boys time and time again because I let them. I was slut-shamed by girls who had no idea what I’d endured.

“It was a form of self-harm. To ensure I felt worthless, with a hope that I could normalise my trauma, but it never did. I wore my shame like a badge. I wore it like it was something to be proud of.”

A second attack, at a party to celebrate her move to Japan, she was attacked for a second time.

She says: “Before we knew it, we had orders to go to Japan. One huge house party and a fun night to celebrate our send off, and my world came crashing down again.

“I couldn’t believe it. How did this happen again? I was assaulted by people I considered my friends.

“I reported them, clung to justice, and prayed they would never hurt another again, but my case never made it past the investigation. Every agency failed me.”

Now, Megan sees a therapist once a fortnight and says this has helped her beyond belief.