Overcome spousal abuse

Spousal abuse involves physical violence and emotional abuse.These can leave deep and lasting scars. Should you find yourself in this situation, these tips will help you pull through:

Know the risks associated with abuse

While physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. Your first step to breaking free is recognising that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

Your phone is important

Have a phone on you at all times. You may need to call for help, call police, or deal with an emergency situation regarding your safety. Have a phone charged and ready at all times to ensure your safety. Programme your speed dial to anyone you may need to call in an emergency, including friends, family, or police.

Find the courage to speak up

Victims will only receive help if they speak up. Speak to your family, your friends, your attorney, your church leader, or whoever will listen to you and not judge you. Not reporting domestic violence because of the stigma attached is simply not an option when your life, and your children’s lives are on the line.

Develop a safety plan

When domestic violence occurs, it is helpful to have a plan to deal with an emergency or crisis. It is important for individuals to think about ways to provide a safer environment, both for themselves and their children. Victims should plan how to get out of their home quickly and safely, so they may do so if violence begins. This plan should consider very fine details such as where to keep keys, a purse and an extra set of clothes for a rapid departure. If your home feels unsafe, go to a sibling’s home, a friend’s home, or somewhere where you feel safe. Prioritise your child’s safety. If you have a child or children, protect them. Send them to a trusted friend, your parents or pastor.

Know when to say goodbye

Sometimes, relationships are just wrong and cannot be salvaged. For your sake, and for the sake of your mental health, try hard to recognise as early as possible whether or not this relationship is worth working on. Remember that it’s unlikely that your abuser will change.

Let go of your fears

Don’t allow yourself to cling to the relationship because you are scared of letting go. Remind yourself of all the pain this person has caused, and that it is better for you to cut it off. It may be hard to imagine your life without the relationship, but you deserve to be treated with more respect. Don’t ever let abuse go on or make excuses for your partner’s behaviour.

Seek support

There are many services available to help families struggling with domestic violence. There are various domestic violence hotlines and programmes in the community. Such resources offer counselling, emergency shelter and referrals. Victims may seek support through their church, local police department or domestic violence agencies.

Get some professional help

Find a mental health professional who can help you work through the situation. A therapist can help you with the emotional side of leaving, and help you cope with any feelings of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, or anger. A therapist can help you cope with the situation and work through the challenging emotions you may have.

Get psychological evaluation for your spouse

Often, abusers have mental health or substance abuse issues that perpetuate the tendency to be violent. You may also find that your spouse was raised in a household in which violence was acceptable, or at least tolerated. Understanding the mental health dynamics may help both of you seek out and utilise the best resources to repair your relationship, if it is reparable.

Attend separate counseling

Do not engage in “family counselling” or “joint counselling” until you and your spouse engage in separate counselling successfully. Family counselling and joint counselling are not helpful. They allow the perpetrator to blame the victim and require the victim to participate in and take responsibility for the perpetrator’s problems.

Take care of yourself

Remind yourself that the abuse was not your fault. Nobody deserves to be abused in any capacity, and nothing you did made you deserve to be treated like that. Find ways to be happy. Write in your journal, go for a walk, and engage in activities you find fun like drawing and shopping.