Building trust

Lack of trust has a damaging effect on any relationship. Here are some sure ways to build trust and ensure a loving marriage

Be sincere

In a marriage, there are certain behavioural patterns that are predictable. So if any of those familiar patterns are going to deviate, let your partner know. If you don’t, it could bring about suspicion. For example, if you join a health club and start working out. Be sure to tell your partner that you don’t like the way you look, and you want to do something about it so you’ll be joining a gym. That way, your partner shouldn’t become suspicious about your new activity.

Be honest about negative and positive feelings

If you’re suppressing any negative feelings about yourself, your partner, or your relationship, it’s crucial that you discuss them with your partner. Why? Because there’s the potential for resentment to build and this could ultimately break down the relationship. The truth hurts, but it doesn’t damage the relationship. In fact, it will ultimately deepen the relationship and create a stronger foundation.

Maintain consistency and clarity

If your partner confronts you with something that you know to be true, be honest. Don’t give your partner a double message. What’s a double message? When your words don’t match your message, i.e., your partner hears one thing in your words, but your tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions are really saying something else. Double messages are huge trust breakers. Being trustworthy in the little things renders trust in the bigger things.

Be a spouse that keeps his/her word

From seemingly little things, such as remembering to do something you promised your partner, showing up on time, or calling if your plans change—to keeping your partner’s confidence; your word is only as good as your actions. Do what you say you’re going to do, and you will automatically build trust in a relationship.

Be vulnerable

Both partners need to open up to each other and be vulnerable by sharing their thoughts and feelings. In order to make it safe for your partner to be vulnerable, you need to be a good listener, have compassion, be supportive and loving.

Be aware of your partner’s needs

Make choices that are beneficial to the other person and the relationship. This doesn’t mean that you don’t get your needs met. It simply means that you are aware of your partner’s needs. The healthiest relationships are those where there is a balance between meeting your own needs and those of your partner.

Don’t allow issues to go unresolved

This requires that a husband and wife, develop good problem solving skills. When issues don’t get resolved, resentments develop and fester. And when resentments develop, then trust is lost.

Learn to fight fair

Just in case you didn’t know, fighting is a part of any good marriage. The problem is not that couples fight, but how they fight. If you fight unfairly, then you destroy trust. If you fight fairly, you build trust. In fighting fair, never resort to name calling or putdowns and keep to the issue at hand. Never bring up old stuff that may be unresolved. The present fight is not a license to dump all your old garbage. Never bring the other person’s family into the issue to support your case or to attack your spouse.

Have some empathy

Have some empathy and try to understand where your partner is coming from. When you can empathise with your partner, it will be possible for you to build the emotional connections which will lead to increased trust in the relationship.

Sincerely apologise

A simple “I’m sorry” without eye contact won’t convey sincerity. Apologise to your spouse sincerely about any mistakes you’ve made that broke the trust. When you apologise to your spouse, don’t try to justify a mistake with a lot of excuses. Instead, apologise and explain why your actions were wrong and do not place any blame on your partner.

Adopt an accountability plan

An accountability plan includes actions you or your spouse can do. It allows one spouse to be able to check in on the other, depending on what the specific trust issue is. For example, if you were flirting with the opposite sex, an accountability plan may allow your spouse to check your phone at any time. However, make sure you also acknowledge when your partner is doing the right thing, so that he or she is encouraged to continue.