Last Sunday, I was on Hot Fm 98.3 Abuja, discussing the issue of married couples sharing bills. I have come to notice that a lot of men and women have a belief that a man has to be the one paying all the bills in the home and the woman does nothing to assist, even if she is working and earning a salary.
In fact, even if she is earning thrice as much as her husband, she is not expected to pay bills. This is far from being wise. For one thing, we are at a very tough point in our nation’s history. We are in a recession where the cost of everything from housing, foodstuff to transportation, has skyrocketed. It only makes sense then that if there are two people earning money, they should both pitch in to make sure things go smoothly.
I have said it often that I do not believe in forcing people to agree with the practices of others; so, if a couple decide that is how they would prefer to run their home, that is fine. It does not make it sensible or the best, but it is still their choice. My issue is with the idea that it is a must. On the radio programme, I was quick to state that some people have an archaic mentality, where, in times past, men were the sole workers and earners. They went to farms to cultivate and go to rivers to fish, while the women stayed at home to cook, clean and bring up the children. This is 2016! There are now more women in the job market – some in a position that earns them so much more than many men – and yet this mentality still exists.
It is so bad that there are cases where a wife would have millions in her account, yet sit by and watch her husband slave to put food on the table and even go as far as borrow and be in debt. This is nothing short of wickedness and there is no excuse for it. When you marry, you vow to love and cherish each other; give support and build a home together. Why then sit by and watch this man suffer when you know you have the means to take care of it all or make the burden lighter?
A caller highlighted a very popular misconception among people today. Many have an attitude that they are doing their spouse a favour if they contribute something to the upkeep of the home or even when they take care of their own children. We have so settled into this idea that when it comes to marriage, a woman on one side and a man on the other side now act like they are ‘pitying’ their spouse when they do something they should naturally do!
When a man helps clothe and feed his own child, he says he is helping his wife and doing her a favour because taking care of the baby is her job. When the wife services the car or puts fuel in it, she says the same thing. This is a ridiculous mind-set that needs to go. You are not doing your spouse a favour. That is what sensible, well–functioning adults, who love each other and are committed to making their marriage work, do.
One person said he would never let his wife contribute to things at home as it means he is no longer a man and he knows she will use it to insult him and lord it over him. He clearly needs to re-evaluate his ideas of what manhood is. Let me make this clear: If you marry a woman, who feels proud and insults you anytime she contributes financially to the home, as much as she is unserious for that kind of nonsense, the blame is on you for marrying her. You should have taken the time to know what kind of woman you marry and avoided such a person. Abeg, make we dey use our sense for marriage.
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